drips from the wet ends of my hair...

drips from the wet ends of my hair
feel like bold print asterisks when they explode
on the inky surface of my skin

but despite my absolution
I’m still quivering in my father’s chair
like the wrung out dishrag I’ve become
cleaning up messes and forgiving trespasses
like all patient mothers are meant to do

it occurs to me that
saplings bend and sway with the seasons
but older trees grow brittle and break
crashing down to the prairie floor
too many tire swings hung on their branches
too many curse words carved in their trunks
eventually they twist and fall

and I am growing taller every day

shift to compassion

shift to compassion


open suitcase
try on theory of relativity
find shoes to match
(desperation is so unattractive)
click

feel the ache in her body
understand (no) her pain
click slam shut

exercise compassion
(with passion)
without reason
or right
or justice
or goddamn common sense
click

so disappointed
we expected more
click

doing the best she can
seeking something she cannot name
wanting what she thinks we have
casting spells at the pity party
pathetic
click

so disappointed
wanting a vote
more maturity in a can of cheez whiz
click

shit
(back to the beginning)

shift to compassion

open suitcase
try on lobotomy
find earrings to mask
the dull ringing in both ears
click

smile through razor blades
click

spit out bits of bloody tongue
click

struggle with the stains
reach for the bleach

quit
off
out

the words pile up...

the words pile up in angry red scales
on the surface of my skin
flaking off into cups of tea
handed smilingly across white tablecloths
to the outstretched hands of simple-minded actresses

they execute tour de force auditions
ingénues doing backbends
into leading lady roles
contorting themselves into obscenities
designed to charm and delight

I am a snake in the footlights
coiling around their sequined ankles
shedding my carmine skin
leaving trails of blood and pus
daring the handler to misjudge me again